You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
