Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize