i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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