ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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