Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
