Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize