Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
