I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
