On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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