yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
