I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
