dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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