I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize