I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
