I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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