i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
