My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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