It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
