I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize