He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let the clothes fall where they may.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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