if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
