you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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