so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
