Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
