So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
