You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
