there's paper in my vomit.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
