Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
