he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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