I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
