i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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