To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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