I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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