be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
