Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
