Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
