She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
