Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize