I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
