just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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