He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
