I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
