Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
