I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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