Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
