Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
