apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
