I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
