She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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