maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He passed out mid-signature
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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