we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
