My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
