I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
