what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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