We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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