i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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