I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
