I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
