You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
