yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
