But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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