Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
