with your own penis?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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