And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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