Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
